


dream team group chat

by lionofstone



Category: LUCIDS - Fandom
Genre: Gen, Group chat, No beta we die like Quinn, Social Media AU, the happiest au yet
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-23 16:40:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30058428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lionofstone/pseuds/lionofstone
Summary: gasballceo: do u ever think ab doing something really stupid & then think 'no, benjamin would disapprove'quinnwitted: u did the dumb thing anyway didnt ugasballceo: oh of coursequinnwitted: nicebenjaquinn18: NOT NICE WE'RE IN THE ER(or, the dream team become accidental twitter celebrities & break the trending page a few times.)
Relationships: Jasper Jasperson & Quinn Hills & Benjamin & Oliver, Robert Paulson & Harold Peterson & William Wenover
Comments: 3
Kudos: 14





	1. the cult arc

**Author's Note:**

> me: i don’t really write fic anymore, i’m more focused on my original stuff  
> me after two months in the discord: what if i dedicated all my time and attention to a chat fic 
> 
> anYWAY this isn’t an indication of my actual writing, this is purely for memes & jokes and to counteract all the Angst in the server. dedicated to the vibe squad y’all are the coolest <3
> 
> also I started this before part 6 so as of now it’s canon compliant & takes place in a vague future after things are resolved but all of that could change after friday who knows!!!

**quinnwitted** : OLIVER TODARO LEWIS

 **gasballceo** : !!!!!!

 **gasballceo** : what did i do????

 **benjamin18** : why is my last name there too

 **quinnwitted** : you know what you did >:(

 **gasballceo** : i really don't!!!

 **benjamin18** : why are we glossing past the part where quinn used my last name for oliver

 **jasperofficial** : @benjamin18 you say that as if we haven't called you benjamin lewis todaro before

 **quinnwitted** : "oliver / @gasballceo - mar 25 XX - rewatching the star wars prequels and i have decided to murder jar jar binks with my bare hands"

 **quinnwitted** : you threatened my b o y

 **gasballceo** : asfhajfh WOW we're sticking with that bit huh

 **quinnwitted** : it's not a bit jar jar is my favourite character

 **benjamin18** : the prequels are cinematic masterpieces but even i can admit that jar jar isn't the best

 **jasperofficial** : @gasballceo why are you rewatching those movies if you hate them so much??

 **gasballceo** : ewan mcgregor

 **benjamin18** : RT

 **quinnwitted** : RT

 **jasperofficial** : ...hayden christenson?

 **benjamin18** : wow jasper, going for the villians huh

 **jasperofficial** : need i remind u that quinn literally started a cult in my name

 **gasballceo** : everyone loves a bad boy

 **quinnwitted** : it was a harmless cult,

 **quinnwitted** : we only sacrificed bananas,

 **benjamin18** : i thought we agreed to not talk ab the cult anymore

 **gasballceo** : YOU agreed that, i plan to roast you ab it for the rest of our lives <3

 **benjamin18** : bold of you to assume i want you around for the rest of my life

 **gasballceo** : wasted.jpeg

 **benjamin18** : @gasballceo <3

**Jasper** / @ _jasperofficial_ ✔︎  
vote now: the star wars prequels  
[cinematic masterpiece] 39%  
[absolute garbage] 52%  
[the what] 9%  
|  
|  
**sweat 5000 rights** / @ _quinnwitted  
_ whoever voted 'absolute garbage', your mom's a hoe

**robert** / @ _jasperwiththehat  
_ i love how we can always tell what their gc is talking about based solely on jasper's tweets  
|  
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**william** / @ _hoodiejasper  
_ how do we know that for sure? maybe they're having secret conversations too  
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**harold** / @ _orangejasperpuffer  
_ jasper fact number 43: jasper wears his heart on his sleeve

  
  
  


**jasperofficial** : quinnnn your cult is tweeting jasper facts again

 **quinnwitted** : technically it's your cult

 **quinnwitted** : they don't call themselves 'quinns'

 **jasperofficial** : that's it i'm starting a quinn cult, who's gonna join??

 **gasballceo** : i'm IMMEDIATELY in

 **benjamin18** : sorry i'm already in the jasper cult

 **gasballceo** : i ThOuGhT wE aGrEeD nOt To TaLk AbOuT tHe CuLt

 **benjamin18** : well i can hardly be in *two* cults can i

 **gasballceo** : how into this are we getting @jasperofficial

 **gasballceo** : wait why can't i @ jasperofficial

 **quinnprimeofficial** : oh, haven't you heard?

 **gasballceo** : YOOOOOOO

 **quinnwitted** : i--

 **gasballquinn** : this is so fun

**don't call me b*nny** / @ _benjamin18  
_ new bit alert

**Quinn Prime** / @ _quinnprimeofficial_ ✔︎  
i am starting a cult in the name of @quinnwitted, you join by taking the sacraquinn (a poetry slam at a cliff at dawn), we meet on tuesdays to discuss our dream journals, and we sacrifice apples in his name. who's with me?  
|  
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**quinn** / @ _gasballquinn  
_ im already so invested

**harold** / @ _orangejasperpuffer  
_ @quinnwitted what do we do now sir  
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**sweat 5000 rights** / @ _quinnwitted  
_ somehow i feel like you still calling me 'sir' isn't helping matters

**quinn** / @ _gasballquinn  
_ @benjamin18 join ussssss  
|  
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**don't call me b*nny** / @ _benjamin18  
_ no  
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**quinn** / @ _gasballquinn  
_ if join this cult i'll stop bothering u about the other one  
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**quinn** / @ _benjaquinn18  
_ LETS GOOO

  
  


**quinnwitted** : you guys are ridiculous

 **gasballquinn** : says the man who started it

 **quinnwitted** : the jasper cult disbanded within 48 hours of me meeting jasper bc we became real friends and i felt weird having a cult dedicated to someone i knew

 **gasballquinn** : can't relate

 **quinnprimeofficial** : @quinnwitted the quinn cult will stand for at least 48 hours then

 **benjaquinn18** : wait i have to keep this @ for 48 hours

 **gasballquinn** : did u not save your other one??

 **benjaquinn18** : no

 **benjaquinn18** : should i have?

 **gasballquinn** : oh benny...

**quinn** / @ _benjaquinn18  
_ HELP ITS BEEN 48 HOURS BUT I CANT CHANGE MY @ BACK BC SOMEONE ELSE TOOK BENJAMIN18  
|  
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**william** / @ _hoodiejasper  
_ maybe now you'll finally have to get a better @  
|  
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**don't call me b*nny** / @ _benjaquinn18  
_ says the man who's @ is still 'hoodiejasper' u realise that cult isn't around anymore

**eat the rich** / @ _japplehater  
_ i followed @jasperofficial bc i liked how little he cares ab his dad and somehow became obsessed with him & his friends even tho idk what they're talking about 98% of the time  
|  
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**oh gorgoblox...** / @ _lumberstan  
_ you following jasper for anti japple  
me following oliver for lumbersweats   
🤝   
getting attached to a random friend group

**gasballceo** : do u ever think ab doing something really stupid & then think 'no, benjamin would disapprove'

 **quinnwitted** : u did the dumb thing anyway didnt u

 **gasballceo** : oh of course

 **quinnwitted** : nice

 **benjaquinn18** : NOT NICE WE'RE IN THE ER

 **gasballceo** : it was only three stitches benjaquinn

 **benjaquinn18** : now is not the time to be mocking me for my display

 **gasballceo** : it is always time to be mocking your display

 **jasperofficial** : oliver are u okay?

 **gasballceo** : yeah it was only three stitches

 **jasperofficial** : but what did u do

 **gasballceo** : nothin'

 **benjaquinn18** : HE HIT HIMSELF IN THE FACE WITH A FRYING PAN

 **jasperofficial** : again??

 **benjaquinn18** : ...

 **benjaquinn18** : oliver?

 **gasballceo** : benny?

 **benjaquinn18** : what does he mean 'again'?

 **gasballceo** : again [əˈɡɛnəˈɡeɪn]: ADVERB. another time; once more.

 **benjaquinn18** : OLIVER

 **gasballceo** : jasper if benjamin kills me it is your civic duty to carry on my legacy of roasting him for his display

 **jasperofficial** : u have my word

**Jasper** / @ _jasperofficial ✔︎  
_ @gasballceo & @quinnwitted & @benjamin18  
there is an imposter among us  
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**robin, like batman** / @ _gasballceo  
_ that's him officer, he's the one to arrest, @benjamin18  
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**sweat 5000 rights** / @ _quinnwitted  
_ i saw @benjamin18 vent  
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**benzo** / @ _benjamin18  
_ who r u ppl  
|  
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**robin, like batman** / @ _gasballceo  
_ don't worry ab it

**benjaquinn18** : stop roping random people into your antics

 **benjaquinn18** : i don't want my name attached to this nonsense

 **gasballceo** : we very specifically didn't mention you at all

 **benjaquinn18** : >:(

 **quinnwitted** : just change your @ it's not that hard

 **benjaquinn18** : but i liked benjamin18 :(

**don't call me b*nny** / @ _benjaquinn18  
_ currently taking suggestions for my new @  
|  
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**robin, like batman** / @ _gasballceo  
_ appleguy  
|  
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**don't call me b*nny** / @ _benjaquinn18  
_ i am not taking suggestions from you  
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**sweat 5000 rights** / @ _quinnwitted_   
appleguy  
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**don't call me b*nny** / @ _benjaquinn18  
_ i am not taking suggestions from either of you  
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**Jasper** / @ _jasperofficial_ ✔︎  
appleguy  
|  
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**don't call me b*nny /** @ _benjaquinn18  
_ i am no longer taking suggestions

  
  


**gasballceo** : GUYS

 **gasballceo** : GOOD NEWS

 **quinnwitted** : ?

 **gasballceo** : BENJAMIN18 DEACTIVATED

 **jasperofficial** : @benjaquinn18 hurry hurry

 **benjaquinn18** : !!!!

 **quinnwitted** : wait why did benzo deactivate

 **gasballceo** : might be our fault?? lowkey??

 **gasballceo** : apparently a bunch of our followers went & followed him & the notifs drove him mad

 **jasperofficial** : whoops

 **quinnwitted** : the fact we have a 'fanbase' at all is wild

 **gasballceo** : speak for yourself i created the greatest show of all time

 **quinnwitted** : i still can't believe u altered the dreamscape to make urself head writer

 **benjamin18** : i can

 **gasballceo** : BENNY UR BACK!!

 **jasperofficial** : wb to @benjamin18

 **quinnwitted** : we can finally leave the quinn cult behind us

**don't call me b*nny** / @ _benjamin18  
_ balance has been restored

**robert** / @ _jasperwiththehat  
_ it's all jasper cult this, quinn cult that...where's the robert cult ??  
|  
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**sweat 5000 rights** / @ _quinnwitted  
_ don't start this again  
|  
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**robin, like batman** / @ _gasballceo_   
dw robbie i’ll join your cult

  
  
  
  
  
  


**BONUS - The Callout Arc**

  
  


**Jasper** / @ _jasperofficial ✔︎  
_ callout post for @gasballceo  
\- won't give me lumbersweats spoilers  
\- hates the star wars prequels  
\- calls @benjamin18 'benny'  
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**kila** / @ _antiloveparasite  
_ wait why is the last one bad  
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**don't call me b*nny** / @ _benjamin18  
_ i think i'm pretty clear about it

**robin banks** / @ _gasballceo  
_ callout post for @jasperofficial  
\- uses his verification powers to bully me  
\- likes the star wars prequels  
\- put @quinnwitted out of work  
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**milo** / @ _gasballobsessed  
_ how did he put quinn out of work??  
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**sweat 5000 rights** / @ _quinnwitted  
_ [a screenshot of a resume. it reads: 'Cult Leader, Jasper Cult. Jul 2017 - Mar 20XX.']

  
  


**don't call me b*nny /** @ _benjamin18  
_ callout post for @quinnwitted  
\- was a cult leader?  
\- indoctrinated me into his cult  
\- jar jar binks is his favourite character  
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**jane** / @ _theactualinternet  
_ why did u join his cult??  
|  
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**robin banks** / @ _gasballceo  
_ we don't discuss that

**sweat 5000 rights** / @ _quinnwitted  
_ callout post for @benjamin18  
\- left my cult :(  
\- chased me for a very long time  
\- doesn't like jar jar binks???  
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**luke** / @ _badtimelongtime  
_ benjamin chasing you: why_are_you_running.mov  
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**Jasper** / @ _jasperofficial ✔︎  
_ no no they knew exactly why. i was the only one asking that question

  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. the games night arc

**quinnwitted** : ex-cult game night tomorrow youre all invited 

**gasballceo** : tom_hank_me.gif 

**quinnwitted** : ex-cult + oliver game night* 

**gasballceo** : sick we’ll be there 

**benjamin18** : @gasballceo why are you always so keen to spend time with a cult 

**gasballceo** : which one of us actually joined a cult 

**jasperofficial** : do i count as part of the cult 

**quinnwitted** : ur the reason it exists??? 

**benjamin18** : ...why is that in present tense 

**gasballceo** : tbf the others all have their @‘s as jasper related still. ur the outlier benny 

**jasperofficial** : oh did u guys see the convo on my acc earlier?? 

**benjamin18** : nah, i only check it when u guys @ me 

**quinnwitted** : well excuse me mr verified, do u have other friends ?? 

**jasperofficial** : no i have fans ??? which is even weirder 

**gasballceo** : we are having a conversation ab the literal cult dedicated to u & the idea of having twitter fans is what’s weird? 

  
  


**Jasper** / @ _jasperofficial_ ✔︎  
daily reminder that @jamesjapple left me & my mom with no warning & i didn’t even get a jphone out of it   
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**f in the chat** / @ _freddofantastic_   
not related at all but every time i see ur @ i wonder at the implication of UNofficial jaspers   
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**Jasper** / @ _jasperofficial_ ✔︎  
@jasperinthehat @hoodiejasper @orangejasperpuffer you guys are all unofficial   
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**f in the chat** / @ _freddofantastic_   
this creates so many new questions 

  
  


**jasperofficial** : i think i accidentally gave them all a boost in followers 

**quinnwitted** : im sure they appreciate it 

**gasballceo** : hey why don’t u ever give me a boost in followers 

**jasperofficial** : youre the head writer of one of the most popular shows ever ??? why do u need my help 

**gasballceo** : but im not verified :((( 

**benjamin18** : sometimes i wonder how long it’ll take before we’re all verified by association 

  
  


**harold** / @ _orangejasperpuffer_   
since there’s so many new people i think i’m gonna do some live tweeting. that seems like a good way to introduce u all to this mess 

**harold** / @ _orangejasperpuffer_   
ex-cult + oliver game night: a thread   
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int. cult house. we convinced @hoodiejasper to actually follow a recipe for once so the food is actually looks amazing   
|  
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@jasperofficial & @quinnwitted have arrived. jasper brought cookies we have to stan   
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@benjamin18 just burst in and said “im so sorry for oliver” what has he done now   
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@gasballceo has a bucket of apples. quinn is glaring at him. oliver: “let’s play dreamscape roulette” idk what that means but jasper & benjamin are both shaking their heads   
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quinn: get out of my house  
william: uh, boss, it’s our house now   
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okay okay we’re actually gonna play games now!! up first is uno bc we want to start with something simple & fun!!   
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so apparently oliver is colourblind ??? ig uno is out   
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robert: we could play scrabble   
quinn: isn’t that only for four players?   
robert: oh well we could play the newlywed game   
jasper: isn’t that only for couples?   
robert: i would be gamemaster :))   
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i don’t know what robert is implying/planning but i don’t like it   
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oliver: WAIT YALL HAVE A NINTENDO 64 WHY ARE WE PLAYING BOARD GAMES WHEN WE COULD PLAY T H A T   
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new plan: mario kart tournament. place your bets now, who will win?   
[quinn] 27%   
[benjamin] 32%   
[oliver] 19%   
[jasper] 22%   
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if ur wondering why me, robert and william aren’t included it’s bc we value our sanity   
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UPDATE: quinn is the first disqualified   
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you all should’ve had more faith in jasper he is killing this   
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oliver is out! benjamin & jasper in the final & it’s sure to be a nail biter   
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and jasper pulls through as our winner!!! let’s get an f in the chat for benjamin   
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robert: great! now let’s play the newlywed game   
quinn: +biggest sigh ever+ okay fine   
robert: great! quinn & harold, benjamin & jasper, and oliver & william   
everyone: ...what?  
robert: what? :) did u already have partners in mind? :)   
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this game night is a mess   
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we have decided that robert was joking & are now playing clue   
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william calls it “cluedo” which makes no sense but is very endearing   
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oliver, playing as mrs white, when it turns out she’s the killer: no,,, she must’ve had her reasons,,,,   
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he just gave the most touching monologue ab her motivations & justifications...twitter cannot do it justice just trust me. quinn is crying. benjamin is pretending he’s not crying.   
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maybe i actually should watch lumbersweats agdhakxh   
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sorry jasper just found out i haven’t watched lumbersweats and now game night is cancelled for a marathon,, it’s been fun guys 

**kila** / @ _antiloveparasite_   
am i the only one hoping that @orangejasperpuffer would live tweet lumbersweats too   
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**milo** / @ _gasballobsessed_   
i was hoping for elaboration on “ex-cult + oliver”

  
  


**gasballceo** : harold is using us for clout 

**benjamin18** : bet you $10 that he ends up verified before us bc of this 

**quinnwitted** : don’t speak that into existence,,,, 


	3. the fanfic arc

**gasballceo** : why did u all leave me alone w robert he’s making me watch pride and prejudice 

**quinnwitted** : miniseries or 2005 film 

**gasballceo** : does it matter ?? 

**quinnwitted** : yes

 **gasballceo** : idk let me ask him 

**benjamin18** : i wait with bated breath 

**gasballceo** : he says it's the miniseries 

**quinnwitted** : that is the correct answer sit down shut up and enjoy it

 **gasballceo** : ...yes sir? 

**benjamin18** : WAIT OLIVER

 **gasballceo** : ?????

 **benjamin18** : do u remember 

**benjamin18** : in second grade

 **gasballceo** : !!!!!

 **gasballceo** : Y E S 

**gasballceo** : how did i forget that 

**jasperofficial** : what are u two talking about

 **gasballceo** : I FOUND THE PRIDE AND PREJUDICE FANFICTION 

**benjamin18** : AND WE ARE N E V E R WATCHING THAT MINISERIES AGAIN 

**gasballceo** : wowowowow

 **gasballceo** : now i get to see what the hype is about 

**gasballceo** : i take back my earlier complaint thank u for leaving me alone with robert 

**jasperofficial** : wait why did we leave him alone with robert?? 

**quinnwitted** : honestly i dont remember but now i have more pressing questions 

**quinnwitted** : like what on earth are u two talking about 

**gasballceo** : benny he doesn’t know

 **benjamin18** : idk if i want to be the one to tell him 

**quinnwitted** : tell me what??? 

**gasballceo** : robert is glaring at me time to put my phone away and watch p&p sorry boyssssss

  
  
  


**sweat 5000 rights** / @ _quinnwitted_   
why are my friends so weird   
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**jane** / @ _theactualinternet_   
didn’t u form a cult ab one of them   
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**sweat 5000 rights** / @ _quinnwitted_   
that’s how i know they’re weird  
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**Jasper** / @ _jasperofficial_ ✔︎  
this is so rude and for what 

  
  


**benjamin18** : oliver it’s been three hours are u alive

 **jasperofficial** : oliver? 

**gasballceo** : yes yes sorry im ok 

**gasballceo** : we’re taking a food break

 **gasballceo** : guys im so INVESTED 

**gasballceo** : i understand why mrs hills wrote fanfic of this it’s so GOOD 

**benjamin18** : aw oliver

 **quinnwitted** : SHE DID W H A T

 **jasperofficial** : mrs hills like quinn’s mom mrs hills??? 

**benjamin18** : do we know any other mrs hills

 **benjamin18** : (genuine question idk dreamscapes are weird) 

**quinnwitted** : does...does this fanfic exist in this dreamscape ??? 

**gasballceo** : uuuuh idk? ur dad brought some of her notes but he looked kinda traumatised by the fanfic so idk if he wouldve brought it 

**quinnwitted** : my dad….traumatised……

 **quinnwitted** : my mom wrote pwp didnt she

 **gasballceo** : idk man do u really think she wouldve showed us??? we were 7! 

**jasperofficial** : can i just say that i’m glad i’m not a lucid this sounds so confusing

 **benjamin18** : i’d say RT but sadly i am a lucid

 **jasperofficial** : can i just say that this lucids stuff is still really confusing

 **benjamin18** : RT 

**quinnwitted** : adajhfkfgawejh hewwhjk vd jaf ??????? 

  
  


**don’t call me b*nny** / @ _benjamin18_   
i think we just broke @quinnwitted   
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**asdjhfjje???** / @ _quinnwitted_   
hdfjw ??? my brain cannot ??? this is So Much   
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**don’t call me b*nny** / @ _benjamin18_   
see? 

  
  


**oliver robin & benny the pooh** / @ _gasballceo_   
@hoodiejasper & @orangejasperpuffer go collect @quinnwitted he’s spiralling   
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**william** / @ _hoodiejasper_   
why doesn’t @jasperwiththehat have to go   
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**oliver robin & benny the pooh** / @ _gasballceo_   
bc we’re watching p&p and that’s clearly more important than quinn’s breakdown of the week smh come on william   
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**harold** / @ _orangejasperpuffer_   
oh, naturally 

  
  


**harold** / @ _orangejasperpuffer_   
texted benjamin to find out where quinn is & discovered that they’re in mcdonalds. show up & quinn is crying in the childs play area. normal tuesday 

  
  


**william** / @ _hoodiejasper_   
lmao get wrecked quinn   
[image: quinn is sitting inside the climbing frame of a mcdonalds play area. he’s legs are dangling over an edge. his hands are covering his face and he appears to be actively crying.]   
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**robert** / @ _jasperwiththehat  
_ please get me more pictures of this 

  
  
  


**gasballceo** : @quinnwitted are u,,, okay? 

**gasballceo** : can u speak english again? 

**quinnwitted** : no 

**gasballceo** : oh ok good 

**quinnwitted** : my MOTHER writes fanfiction 

**jasperofficial** : is that...really that bad? 

**benjamin18** : jasper ik u love ur mom but are you tell me that you wouldnt be a little distressed if u found out she was writing graphic fanfic of famous characters?

 **jasperofficial** : ok point taken 

**gasballceo** : but like,, it’s not like quinn’s read it even! it might not even exist here! 

**quinnwitted** : ...my mom has accounts here tho 

**quinnwitted** : oh no my mom has a fanfic acc doesnt she 

**benjamin18** : spare yourself and dont go looking for it 

**quinnwitted** : do u know me at all 

**jasperofficial** : he’s going to look for it

 **quinnwitted** : i’m going to look for it 

  
  
  


**oliver robin & benny the pooh** / @ _gasballceo_   
quinn is about to die (again)   
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**on a mission** / @ _quinnwitted_   
are u saying u dont want to read it if i find it??   
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**oliver robin & benny the pooh** / @ _gasballceo_   
oh no i expect links 

  
  


**jasperofficial** : @quinnwitted it’s been three days have u found anything

 **quinnwitted** : yes everyone cult house now 

  
  
  
  


**harold** / @ _orangejasperpuffer_   
we were called in for an emergency ex-cult meeting and it’s just quinn with a posterboard that says “MY MOMS FANFIC” in glitter gel pen?   
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**robert** / @ _jasperwiththehat_   
isn’t this pretty typical for an emergency ex-cult meeting   
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**milo** / @ _gasballobsessed_   
are any of you ever going to explain the cult thing??   
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|  
**robert** / @ _jasperwiththehat_   
just to spite you, no 

  
  
  


**quinnwitted** : do u still want to read them, oliver? 

**gasballceo** : ….no the titles and summaries were bad enough 

**benjamin18** : our second grade teacher…

 **jasperofficial** : i will be thinking about that for far too long 

**quinnwitted** : ur welcome 

**jasperofficial** : how are u ok with this now??? 

**quinnwitted** : exposure therapy 

  
  
  


**mission accomplished** / @ _quinnwitted_   
i found my mother’s fanfiction acc and survived: a documentary coming soon   
|  
|  
**lydia** / @ _mrsdarcyhills_   
you found WHAT   
|  
|  
**mission accomplished** / @ _quinnwitted_   
YOU HAVE A TWITTER 

**oliver robin & benny the pooh** / @ _gasballceo_   
we broke quinn 2: electric boogaloo   
|  
|  
**luke** @ _badtimelongtime_   
i like ur display!   
|  
|  
**oliver robin & benny the pooh** / @ _gasballceo_   
thank u benny hates it :)) 


	4. the trending topic arc

**Buzzfeed** / @ _buzzfeed_ ✔︎  
Who is Jasper Jasperson and why do we love him? Read about the Jasperson son here: bitly.ly/sa23rj3k  
|  
|  
**hillsperson** / @ _quinnwitted  
_ @jasperofficial u have a buzzfeed article now  
|  
|  
**Jasper** / @ _jasperofficial_ ✔︎  
oh no  
|  
|  
**todaroperson** / @ _gasballceo  
_ oh YES  
|  
|  
**lewisperson** / @ _benjamin18  
_ jasper you're a trending topic!!

[Jasper's header image is a screenshot of Lumbersweats.]  
[his icon is a picture of his startled face as he catches a banana -  
there's a story here, but it hasn't been shared yet]

**Jasper** / @ _jasperofficial_ ✔︎  
Jasper Jasperson | he/him | this is a lumbersweats fanpage & a japple hate page   
_☟︎probably with the dream team_

**milo** / @ _gasballobsessed  
_ why is everyone shocked that buzzfeed released an article ab @jasperofficial ppl have been wondering ab him since that japple ad a few years ago

**jane** / @ _theactualinternet  
_ buzzfeed: posts an article detailing the history of Jasper Jasperson and J*mes  
me & my moots: +opening our meme folders+

**kila** / @ _antiloveparasite  
_ me 🤝 jasper  
hating our dads

**eat the rich** / @ _japplehater  
_ even more reasons to hate j*mes j*sperson thank u for the rights @buzzfeed

**luke** / @ _badtimelongtime  
_ everyone discovering @jasperofficial for the first time vs the people who've been following him & the dream team for the past few months  
|  
|  
**kila** / @ _antiloveparasite  
_ something tells me the dream team are gonna get another boost in popularity after this  
|  
|  
**luke** / @ _badtimelongtime  
_ does this mean @gasballceo might finally be verified

  
  


**gasballceo** : well 👀 turns out it's very easy for jasper to trend 👀 

**jasperofficial** : no

 **jasperofficial** : whatever you're planning

 **jasperofficial** : the answer is no

 **benjamin18** : did you guys see this?

 **benjamin18** : [image: a screenshot of a twitter account bio

(the header is a poorly edited photo of all of their profile pictures)  
(the icon is a doodle of a comic book thinking cloud with the words 'dream team')

 **dream team updates** / @ _dtupdates  
_ follow us for updates on @ _jasperofficial_ , @ _gasballceo_ , @ _quinnwitted_ , and @ _benjamin18_! no, we don't know why they call themselves the dream team

/end image]

 **quinnwitted** : we have FANS fans

 **gasballceo** : if i tweeted out that quinn was a cult leader with reciepts do u think we could get him cancelled already

 **quinnwitted** : i have already tweeted out that i am a cult leader with reciepts so somehow i doubt it

 **benjamin18** : once again i am asking why that's in present tense

 **jasperofficial** : i don't think that tweeting out a fake resume counts as reciepts

 **quinnwitted** : wdm that's my real resume

 **benjamin18** : i--

 **quinnwitted** : havent had much luck getting jobs tho

 **gasballceo** : gee i wonder why

  
  


**todaroperson** / @ _gasballceo  
_ everyone go bully @quinnwitted he put 'cult leader' on his resume and wonders why he isn't getting interviews  
|  
|  
**hillsperson** / @ _quinnwitted  
_ did u even interview for ur job  
|  
|  
**todaroperson** / @ _gasballceo  
_ no i got it from talent alone  
|  
|  
**lewisperson** / @ _benjamin18  
_ "talent"  
|  
|  
**todaroperson** / @ _gasballceo  
_ i didn't say it was writing talent

**Jasper** / @ _jasperofficial_ ✔︎   
hey @ _gasballceo_ , you're a good writer with good ideas!! don't sell yourself short!!  
|  
|  
**todaroperson** / @ _gasballceo  
_ i'm still not giving you lumbersweats spoilers

  
  


**gasballceo** : what if i used jasper's new trending page clout to promote lumbersweats

 **benjamin18** : does lumbersweats really need the promo

 **quinnwitted** : also isnt jasper already promoting lumbersweats at all times

 **gasballceo** : why do none of u support me

 **jasperofficial** : i support u oliver!

 **gasballceo** : jasper is the only one of u who gets rights

 **jasperofficial** : will u name a character after me

 **gasballceo** : sure but he'll probably die

 **jasperofficial** : !!!!

 **jasperofficial** : that's ok!!!

 **jasperofficial** : i'll promo it extra hard now :)))

 **gasballceo** : friendship ended with benjamin, now jasper is my new best friend

 **quinnwitted** : hey no stealing my best friend >:(

 **gasballceo** : what u gonna do ab it

 **benjamin18** : i feel like i should be more offended than i am

 **quinnwitted** : i'll fight you @gasballceo

 **gasballceo** : square up quinn

 **jasperofficial** : i have two hands,,

 **benjamin18** : wow that's...so wholesome jasper

 **gasballceo** : ok @quinnwitted we can share he's too good for us 😭

 **quinnwitted** : jasper jasperson rights

**JASPER JASPERSON RIGHTS** / @ _gasballceo  
_ everyone say 'you're the best jasper' to @jasperofficial  
|  
|  
**milo** / @ _gasballobsessed  
_ you're the best jasper!!

  
  


(timeskip idk how to format it - it's been a few weeks/a month or so) 

  
  


**Jasper** / @ _jasperofficial  
_ everyone look out for a new character in lumbersweats tonight!! @gasballceo made him extra special for me :)

**kila** / @ _antiloveparasite  
_ MOOTS HOW WE FEELING #jasperinlumbersweats  
|  
|  
**luke** / @ _badtimelongtime  
_ J A S P E R IN LUMBERSWEATS #jasperinlumbersweats  
|  
|  
**kila** / @ _antiloveparasite  
_ OLIVER REALLY SAID DREAM TEAM RIGHTS

**benjamin18** : jasper ur a trending topic again

 **jasperofficial** : this time it's more fun :)

 **quinnwitted** : #jasperinlumbersweats already has 10k tweets?? and it's trending with #dreamteam

 **gasballceo** : I LOVE THIS SONGGGG we're trending again boys

 **gasballceo** : will i finally get verified ???

 **benjamin18** : doubtful

 **benjamin18** : jasper tweets quinn way more often and he's not even verified

 **jasperofficial** : why dont u just like...alter the dreamscape so that u are verified??

 **gasballceo** : no that's cheating

 **quinnwitted** : and giving urself a job isnt??

 **gasballceo** : tell me how ur job search is going quinn

 **gasballceo** : had any interviews yet

 **quinnwitted** : @jasperofficial come pick me up oliver is bullying me :((

  
  


**don't call me b*nny** / @ _benjamin18  
_ #jasperinlumbersweats #dreamteam we're all very happy for @jasperofficial & @gasballceo - but did u know that oliver disowned me as his best friend & jasper took advantage of that situation to get his name into the show?? smh some people  
|  
|  
**WATCH LUMBERSWEATS** / @gasballceo  
aw benny i'll name a character after u too  
|  
|  
**don't call me b*nny** / @ _benjamin18  
_ if u name a character 'benny' i'm coming for your knees

**quinnwitted** : so jasper has trended twice now, once cause of him and once cause of oliver

 **quinnwitted** : i want him to trend cause of me next

 **quinnwitted** : what to do what to do

 **jasperofficial** : he's wearing his scheming face

 **gasballceo** : pic?

 **jasperofficial** : [image: quinn is sitting on a sofa with his elbows on his knees and his hands pressed together in front of his mouth. his eyes are closed]

 **benjamin18** : quinn rights

 **gasballceo** : RT

 **quinnwitted** : oh u guys aren't ready this is gonna be great

**you're quinvited** / @ _quinnwitted  
_ @jasperwiththehat @hoodiejasper @orangejasperpuffer you guys wanna get the band back together  
|  
|  
**harold** / @ _orangejasperpuffer  
_ is this for real  
|  
|  
**Jasper Prime** / @ _jasperprime  
_ oh it's real

  
  


**jasper** / @ _hoodiejasper  
_ oh shhhhh the jasper prime acc is back things are getting serious  
|  
|  
**jasper** / @ _jasperwiththehat  
_ i'm a little scared, remember what happened last time??  
|  
|  
**jasper** / @ _hoodiejasper  
_ have u checked @jasperprime's bio sdjhakfghj  
[image: a screenshot of a twitter bio -

(the header is the 'sorry' collage)  
(the icon is a pic of jasper beaming at the camera)

 **Jasper Prime** / @ _jasperprime  
_ just a super chill cult where we worship @ _jasperofficial_. no weird stuff. no dudepants allowed.

/end image]

**jasperofficial** : why this

 **quinnwitted** : bc i <3 u

 **jasperofficial** : so ur starting the cult again ???

 **benjamin18** : i am not changing my @ for this...not again

 **benjamin18** : i will change my display tho

 **gasballceo** : can i join the cult this time :O

 **quinnwitted** : yes but u gotta follow the jasper prime twit acc and take the jasperfice

 **gasballceo** : IM ON IT BOSS

  
  
 **jasper** / @ _gasballjasper  
_ # _jaspercult  
_ [video: the camera is low on the ground and at a slight angle, likely propped up against a rock. oliver's whole body is in frame as he stands at the cliff face, as is a lot of grass. he's slightly out of focus, which spares the viewer from some of his frankly awful dancing, but not from his singing. he's belting africa by toto. make of that what you will]

**milo** / @ _gasballobsessed  
_ is @gasballjasper okay?  
|  
|  
**kila** / @ _antiloveparasite  
_ he just be vibing

**dream team updates** / @ _dtupdates_   
oliver has changed his @ from gasballceo to @gasballjasper & made his display jasper as well. is this related to the earlier jasper-related tweets from @quinnwitted and @jasperprime?

  
  


**quinnwitted** : that was unbelieavbly quick

 **benjamin18** : bold of u to assume that he didnt leave for the cliff immediately after the first tweet

 **jasperofficial** : did he really

 **gasballjasper** : yes

 **gasballjasper** : i've wanted to do the jasperfice since u first told me what it was

 **gasballjasper** : very theraputic, 10/10 would reccommend

 **jasperofficial** : maybe i should do it too

 **gasballjasper** : YES COME JOIN ME ITS GREAT

 **jasperofficial** : im on my way!! @benjamin18 @quinnwitted do u guys wanna come?

 **quinnwitted** : yeah! should i text the cult as well

 **gasballjasper** : yes yes yes jasper ganggg

**jasper** / @ _benjamin18  
_ # _jaspercult  
_ [video: the camera is pointed at benjamin's smiling face. in the background, william and harold are screaming along to a taylor swift song while robert looks on with pride. benjamin turns slightly to reveal oliver and jasper dancing (mostly bouncing up and down) together. before benjamin can move again, a hand reaches in front of the camera and tugs it away, turning the camera on themself. it's quinn, also grinning. the camera flips to reveal benjamin again as he races over to join oliver and jasper. over the still-singing william and harold, quinn whispers to the camera, "they're all such idiots." someone else comes over to take the camera. "go join them, boss" william says. he turns the camera on harold and robert, who are holding each others hands and spinning around and the back to the dream team, who are screaming celion dion off the edge of the cliff, shoulders knocking together. benjamin turns to look back at the camera, pausing in his singing to call william over. "stop filming, i just wanted some--"]

**jasper** / @ _jasperwiththehat  
_ # _jaspercult  
_ [image: robert stands with his arms thrown around william and harold, all of them grinning cheesily at the camera. the sun is setting in the background. harold is holding snacks. william is holding a rock. robert has a drink in both hands.]

**jasper** / @ _quinnwitted  
_ # _jaspercult  
_ [a series of three images. in the first, jasper is grinning widely at quinn while oliver all but hangs off of quinn's shoulder. in the second, jasper looks rather alarmed as oliver leaps onto quinn's back. in the third, benjamin stares down at the three others, who are now in a pile on the ground.]

**jasper** / @ _hoodiejasper  
_ # _jaspercult  
_ [video: benjamin stands alone on the cliff face. silence. it looks like it's going to be very dramatic. the opening notes to I Need A Hero (specifically the Shrek 2 version) play. benjamin spins around and poses. he is ready for a performance. the video ends before the lyrics start, much to the viewers frustration]

**jasper** / @ _gasballjasper  
_ # _jaspercult_ let's do this again sometime  
[image: oliver's face barely fits into the selfie he's taken. everyone is visible as they lay on the grass at the cliff side. robert has his hands in the air and mouth open as he says something to william and harold. quinn and jasper both appear to be asleep. benjamin, beside oliver, has one hand over his eyes and the other raised in a lazy peace-sign]

**Jasper** / @ _jasperofficial ✔︎  
_ for those confused: # _dreamteam_ is me, quinn, oliver, and benjamin. the # _jaspercult_ is all of us! thanks for liking everything we've shared tonight - i'm so glad i could share it with all of you <3

**jasperofficial** : well @quinnwitted u got your wish

 **jasperofficial** : we're a trending topic again

 **quinnwitted** : I KNOW

 **quinnwitted** : we got #jaspercult trending and the cult doesn't even exist anymore!!!

 **benjamin18** : i think we just proved that the cult is very much still a thing

 **gasballceo** : and now i am finally part of it

 **gasballceo** : no more 'and oliver' nonsense

 **jasperofficial** : changed ur display back tho :(

 **gasballceo** : jasper i will change it back in a heartbeat if u ask me to

 **jasperofficial** : no no lol i like gasballceo

 **jasperofficial** : imagine if u actually were the ceo of gasball currency omg

 **gasballceo** : ...did we not tell jasper ab that?

 **benjamin18** : oh boy

**Buzzfeed** / @ _buzzfeed_ ✔︎  
# _jaspercult_ trended last night after @ _jasperofficial_ & his friends shared a bunch of pictures from their night with the hashtag. fans of the # _dreamteam_ are changing their display names & profile pictures to join the fun. take our quiz on which 'jasper' you should be here: bitly.ly/sdhjuah23as

**jasper (dreamteamupdates)** / @ _dtupdates  
_ last night feels like a fever dream # _jaspercult_

  
  
 **jasper (kila)** / @ _antiloveparasite  
_ @gasballobsessed how u doing milo  
|  
|  
**jasper (milo)** / @ _gasballobsessed  
_ more confused than ever but still having fun

**jasper (jane)** / @ _theactualinternet  
_ the thing that baffles me most ab the #jaspercult is the bit in @jasperprime's bio saying 'no dudepants allowed'??  
|  
|  
**jasper (dudepants)** / @ _gorgoblox5001  
_ right?? i was like damn what'd i ever do to u  
|  
|  
**luke jasper** / @ _badtimelongtime  
_ WAIT isn't j*mes j*sperson's current wife something dudepants? like her surname? and doesn't she have sons?

**Thing 1** / @ _dudepantsryan  
_ my ears are burning  
|  
|  
**Thing 2** / @ _dudepantsalex  
_ mine too

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	5. the japple arc

**Jasper** / @ _jasperofficial_ ✔︎  
day 4 of reminding you all that @jamesjapple left me and my mom with no warning :) 

**Jasper** / @ _jasperofficial_ ✔︎  
daily reminder number 11 that @jamesjapple has called me once in the past six years & it was so he could use the footage of me saying ‘dad’ in a commercial :) 

**Jasper** / @ _jasperofficial_ ✔︎  
day 17 reminding you @jamesjapple has more money than a human being can actually spend in a lifetime & i haven’t had an allowance from him since i was four (not saying i should be rich, just pointing out the disparity here) 

**Jasper** / @ _jasperofficial_ ✔︎  
day 23 - @jamesjapple seems like the sort of person who would break into someones house to whisper in the ear of a sleeping child just to mess with their dreams i said what i said 

**Jasper** / @ _jasperofficial_ ✔︎  
daily reminder number 32 that @jamesjapple left my mom & never gave her a reason and it pisses me off i’m done being funny about it 

  
  
  


**quinnwitted** : @jasperofficial are you okay?

 **jasperofficial** : not really 

**jasperofficial** : but i’ll be fine 

**benjamin18** : do u want us to come over? 

**jasperofficial** : would you really? 

**gasballceo** : we’re on our way 

**quinnwitted** : im on my way too but ill be a while so i just want to say that u really do mean the world to me jasper and im very glad to have u in my life and i know that your dad sucks just like...so much but i know that there’s so many people who love & appreciate u for you and i will always always always be top of that list (even when oliver claims that he’s your best friend) bc u are amazing ok 

**jasperofficial** : quinn pls hurry up and get here i need to hug you so bad after that 

**benjamin18** : he is currently hugging oliver but muttering ab he’s a bad substitute for u @quinnwitted this is hilarious but please hurry

  
  
  


TWITTER MOMENT: 

[his header image is of a sleek looking bookshelf stocked with big books and manipulated photographs, clearly in his own home]   
[his icon is a shot of his own face, turtleneck just visible and glasses reflecting the light so his eyes are obscured. he is smirking.]

 **James Jasperson** / @ _jamesjapple_ ✔︎  
founder & ceo of @japple | if you see me out there, lucky you  
 _☟︎ anywhere at once_

**Today Tech** / @ _techtoday_ ✔︎  
Breaking: @japple set to announce new phones and laptops today in a special live broadcast. What are your predictions for the future of Japple products? 

**eat the rich** / @ _japplehater  
_ the way this is clearly trying to cover for the jasper stuff from a few weeks back smh 

**jack** / @ _backtothepast  
_ SO excited! i hope japple releases wireless headphones too!!

**henry** / @ _busybees  
_ new japple new japple newjapple newjapplenewjapple!!! 

  
  
  


**Jasper** / @ _jasperofficial_ ✔︎   
anyone @’ing me in stuff about the j*pple announcements will be blocked what part of “this is a japple hate page” do you not understand   
|  
|  
**jack** / @ _backtothepast_   
but he’s ur dad?   
|  
|  
**Jasper** / @ _jasperofficial_ ✔︎  
i’m glad that u have a good relationship with your parents but not all of us are so lucky

  
  


**jasper rights** / @ _quinnwitted  
_ learn to respect boundaries or meet my chloroform rag   
|  
|  
**jasper rights** / @ _gasballceo_   
learn to respect boundaries or meet my frying pan   
|  
|  
**jasper rights** / @ _benjamin18_   
learn to respect boundaries or meet my gun 

  
  
  


**jasperofficial** : @benjamin18 do u really have a gun?

 **benjamin18** : its my dreamscape i make the rules

 **gasballceo** : can i have a gun :O

 **benjamin18** : absolutely not

 **gasballceo** : :(

 **quinnwitted** : oliver i barely trust u with a frying pan let alone an actual weapon

 **gasballceo** : excuse u a frying pan is an actual weapon

 **jasperofficial** : i have only ever seen u hurt yourself with a frying pan so idk if that counts

**rapunzel** / @ _gasballceo  
_ is a frying pan a weapon?  
[yes] 57%  
[no] 43%

**rapunzel** / @ _gasballceo  
_ thank u for ur votes u have just helped me win an argument   
|  
|  
**oh gorgoblox...** / @ _lumberstan  
_ lumbersweat's newest weapon: the frying pan!  
|  
|  
**rapunzel** / @ _gasballceo  
_ "they might've gotten out of the fire, gorgoblox 5000...but they're jumping straight into my frying pan..."

**quinnwitted** : can i just say that i dont think oliver won the arguement just cause his followers are as dumb as he is

 **gasballceo** : @benjamin18 come pick me up quinn is bullying me :(

 **benjamin18** : then perish

 **gasballceo** : :O

 **benjamin18** : why are u surprised by this

 **quinnwitted** : haha who's your saviour now

 **gasballceo** : @jasperofficial come pick me up quinn is bullying me :(

 **jasperofficial** : then perish (affectionate)

 **gasballceo** : :O!

 **quinnwitted** : get yartmapped

 **gasballceo** : see i want to be mad but i think that's the first time you've used 'yartmap' correctly so instead im just very very pleased

 **benjamin18** : u mean to tell me that there's a correct way to use 'yartmap'

 **benjamin18** : ive been using it solely based on the vibes

 **jasperofficial** : i think vibes are the best basis for that expression

 **gasballceo** : im disappointed in all of u

 **quinnwitted** : oh im sorry did u invent the word or something smh

 **gasballceo** : bet

 **quinnwitted** : ...what

 **benjamin18** : sadly can confirm

 **jasperofficial** : most of the time i dont want to be a lucid bc its very confusing and i am very small & have no money but then oliver says something like that and i wish i could make something very stupid a part of reality with minimal effort

 **benjamin18** : no more messing with my dream please

 **gasballceo** : what if it's to get rid of ppl >:(

 **benjamin18** : for the last time we're not kicking quinn out of the dreamscape

 **gasballceo** : im not talking ab quinn this time

 **quinnwitted** : this time????

 **gasballceo** : i just got followed by some unfortunate ppl ://

 **jasperofficial** : who?

 **gasballceo** : ur half brothers? step brothers? idk

 **jasperofficial** : oh u mean the ones who tried to kill quinn?

 **gasballceo** : yep

 **jasperofficial** : hmm. @benjamin18 are u sure we cant kick them out

 **quinnwitted** : why did they follow oliver anyway

 **benjamin18** : probably bc hes the only one of us they dont already know & they hoped he wouldnt notice or care

 **gasballceo** : plot twist: i would d*e for my friends so ofc i noticed !!

 **jasperofficial** : oliver pls do not die for us

 **gasballceo** : bet?

 **benjamin18** : @gasballceo no

 **gasballceo** : :(

 **quinnwitted** : i am very concerned ab that emoji

 **gasballceo** : all jokes here lads we're all good

 **gasballceo** : should i follow them back??

 **benjamin18** : are they private?

 **gasballceo** : nah they're public figures like jasper

 **gasballceo** : they arent verified tho get yartmapped

 **jasperofficial** : oh wow finally something i have over them

 **quinnwitted** : if they arent private then don't follow but do keep an eye on them

 **quinnwitted** : i dont like that they are following u ://

 **quinnwitted** : do u think they have smt planned?

 **benjamin18** : well since their last plan backfired very spectacularly bc of william with a dictionary i will be honest and say that i am not that concerned

**william** / @ _hoodiejasper  
_ learn to respect boundaries or meet my dictionary  
|  
|  
**william** / @ _hoodiejasper  
_ idk why but @gasballceo told me to tweet this so here u go oliver  
|  
|  
**rapunzel** / @ _gasballceo  
_ YES WILLIAM UR THE BEST

**dream team updates** / @ _dtupdates  
_ the # _dreamteam_ and parts of the # _jaspercult_ come to @jasperofficial's defence after he requests not to be contacted about the new @japple announcement. let's remember to respect all of their wishes!

**eat the rich** / @ _japplehater  
_ considering changing my @ to jasperlover bc i came for the anti japple and stayed for the pro jasper  
|  
|  
 **oh gorgoblox...** / @ _lumberstan  
_ we're between seasons on lumbersweats so i may as well be 'dreamteamstan' now  
|  
|  
**eat the rich** / @ _japplehater  
_ solidarity

**don't call me b*nny** / @ _benjamin18  
_ call out post for @jasperofficial  
\- hasn't introduced me to his mom yet :(  
|  
|  
**Jasper** / @ _jasperofficial_ ✔︎  
oh! she works a lot but she's home now if u wanna come over? bring the dream team  
|  
|  
**jasper rights** / @ _quinnwitted  
_ yes! yes! ms dudepants jaspers mom i would die for you

**gasballceo** : hey jasper if were meeting ur mom what should we call her

 **gasballceo** : like i assume she's not mrs jasperson anymore yknow

 **jasperofficial** : u could call her dudepants !!

 **gasballceo** : ...why would i do that

 **jasperofficial** : bc it's her name?

 **quinnwitted** : yeah dudepants is a common first (& last name) here how did u not know that?

 **benjamin18** : why on earth is that a common name ???

 **quinnwitted** : it's ur dream man i just live here

 **benjamin18** : @gasballceo ?

 **gasballceo** : for once man, wasn't me. no idea.

 **benjamin18** : but u don't remember that at all? from this being ur reality??

 **gasballceo** : u dont remember it from growing up here either don't @ me

**don't call me b*nny** / @ _benjamin18  
_ @gasballceo didnt know dudepants is a name lol can u imagine  
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**rapunzel** / @ _gasballceo  
_ i specifically said NOT to @ me

**quinteresting** / @ _quinnwitted  
_ MS DUDEPANTS I WOULD DIE FOR U BEST MOM EVER AWARD  
[image: quinn has his arm around a bemused looking, but smiling, woman. on her other side sits jasper, looking at the two of them with a soft expression.]

  
  


**Jasper** / @ _jasperofficial ✔︎  
_ my mom says that she appreciates you all being so nice!! she also says that if you have bad parents she will be your mom now!!  
[image: jasper's mom smiles at the camera and waves with both hands]  
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**kila** / @ _antiloveparasite  
_ [image: a screenshot of quinn's earlier tweet, minus the image]

**benjamin18** : jasper ur mom is trending above the japple announcements

 **gasballceo** : i love this songggg

 **jasperofficial** : me too

 **jasperofficial** : thanks for distracting her today guys, she hasnt been doing great since we found out ab dad & it's really nice to see her smiling so much

 **quinnwitted** : she deserves the whole entire world

 **quinnwitted** : as do u

 **quinnwitted** : sorry ur dad sucks :/

 **jasperofficial** : its ok i have u guys

 **jasperofficial** : and the jasper cult

 **jasperofficial** : who needs a dad when i have much better things

 **gasballceo** : jasper >>>>

 **jasperofficial** : dream team >>>>>

  
  
  


**Japple** / @ _japple_ ✔︎  
Watch the highlights from our latest updates in this video:   
[video: a la steve jobs, james jasperson stands on a near empty stage, providing updates about the company’s products and designs for the upcoming year, including an anticipated announcement for the jPhone VI] 

**jack** / @ _backtothepast_   
WIRELESS HEADPHONES HELL YEAH 

**henry** / @ _busybee_   
did some more reading ab @jasperofficial after i saw the trending page today & i gotta say i’m not entirely sure how to feel about @japple @jamesjapple anymore…  
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**kila** / @ _antiloveparasite_   
it’s especially slimy that @jamesjapple built his persona on the idea of being a family man (the ad with @jasperofficial in it, his marriage & step sons) but then when jasper talks about it it’s SO clear that it’s all fake ://  
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**jack** / @ _backtothepast_   
or jasper is lying ab it for clout   
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**kila** / @ _antiloveparasite  
_ aaaaand that’s the block button for you mister!   
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**henry** / @ _busybee  
_ ik i’m late to the #dreamteam party but like?? what possible reason would jasper have to lie about it?? he doesn’t even seem to WANT anything from j*mes smh  
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**kila** / @ _antiloveparasite_   
i love how ur new to it but are already censoring j*mes - welcome to the family henry 

  
  


**James Jasperson** / @ _jamesjapple_   
Wonderful day yesterday with my two boys, @dudepantsryan and @dudepantsalex! So nice to have my family around me during the important moments of my career   
[image: James leans back slightly against a heavy wooden desk. Beside him, standing closer to each other than to James, are Ryan and Alex. They are standing much straighter than their step-father.] 

  
  
  


**jasperofficial** : dont talk to me about the photo 

**jasperofficial** : im going offline for the day just

 **jasperofficial** : i wish no one had ever found out who i was i wish id never meet ryan and alex i wish i didnt know james is my dad and i wish i wasnt verified so people would just leave me alone 

**jasperofficial** : sorry i just

 **jasperofficial** : sorry 

_jasperofficial is offline._

**gasballceo** : is now a bad time to mention that i got dm from alex? 

**benjamin18** : dont u have to be mutuals to dm 

**gasballceo** : well yes but i was keeping an eye on them like u guys said & i saw alex @ me asking to message me & i got curious 

**quinnwitted** : and what did alex want to message you about 

**gasballceo** : ok so u just typed out the word ‘you’ so ik that youre mad but hear me out please

 **gasballceo** : he says that he feels bad ab how everything went down and that he and ryan dont even really like james - he claims that they thought ‘protecting’ jasper might help their relationship but lately seeing everything ab jasper & james’s relationship theyve realised that they’re all in the same boat really 

**gasballceo** : and im not saying i believe it at all bc it seems bit sus but alex has asked if he could meet us 

**benjamin18** : wow ok 

**benjamin18** : and what did u say? 

**gasballceo** : nothing yet, i figured since u two actually met them id get ur take on things 

**gasballceo** : quinn? thoughts? 

**quinnwitted** : jasper just said that he wishes no one ever found out who he was...idk if im included in that statement but it does make me wary of pushing things :// 

**benjamin18** : quinn im sure jasper didnt mean u 

**quinnwitted** : idk 

**quinnwitted** : on the other hand it might be good to hear them out

 **quinnwitted** : i am curious why james is still here even when he could just go off somewhere else 

**benjamin18** : i’ll text jasper privately to see what he thinks, i dont think its right to do anything without telling him ab it 

**gasballceo** : ok, let us know 

  
  
  


**Thing 2** / @ _dudepantsalex_   
starting to think that people cant change but man do i want to 

**Thing 1** / @ _dudepantsryan_   
one time i was playing dnd and i got really distracted by this sidequest to the point where i thought it was the main quest and even tho the DM kept trying to steer me away i was certain that this guy was the main villain   
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turns out he was just a guy trying to do his best you know? and i worried for ages that i’d ruined the whole game. still worry about it sometimes, but i think the DM is still trying to help me 

  
  


**benjamin18** : jasper says he’s ok with us meeting them 

**benjamin18** : but he wants to come with us

 **quinnwitted** : oh 

**quinnwitted** : hes ok?? 

**benjamin18** : yeah 

**benjamin18** : he’s staying offline cause of the twitter notifs but he says hes ok otherwise

 **gasballceo** : shall i get alex to meet us? 

**quinnwitted** : yeah. what about the gasball place by jasper’s house? that way if it goes bad jasper isnt far from home

 **gasballceo** : sounds good 

  
  
  


**dream team updates** / @ _dtupdates_   
does anyone have any idea what just happened? because we sure dont!  
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**milo** / @ _gasballobsessed_   
ok i know my Brand is being eternally confused by the #dreamteam but in this one instance i think i know the answer: the dream team & alex and ryan dudepants (jasper’s step brothers) were all seen going into a gasball currency place together right?   
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and then @lumberstan said they saw them talking but couldnt hear/didnt listen to what they said (in this house we respect ppl and dont eavesdrop just cause theyre public figures) but said it looked intense & then quinn stormed out & the others followed   
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so it seems like they argued right but apparently alex and ryan went with them so idk   
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oh also someone said that the #jaspercult joined them as well? not sure tho 

**dream team updates** / @ _dtupdates_   
RT @gasballobsessed - a really informative thread, thank you!

  
  


**Buzzfeed** / @ _buzzfeed_ ✔︎  
We’re pretty sure that @quinnwitted just punched @jamesjapple - read our live updates here: bitly.ly/djahf883jawe and follow us for more information!   
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 **JASPER(S) DEFENCE** / @ _quinnwitted  
_ yeah and i’d do it again what about it 

  
  


**LNEWS** / @ _localnews_ ✔︎  
“They came to me because you didn’t care! They came to me, they’re mine!” Quinn Hills, friend of @jasperofficial quoted as saying following assault on @jamesjapple. Read more about it here: lnewslocal.com/article/james-jasperson-ass…. 

  
  


**Thing 1** / @ _dudepantsryan_   
honestly that went even better than i expected   
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**Thing 2** / @ _dudepantsalex_   
i expected <nothing so im very pleasantly surprised 

  
  


**don’t call me b*nny** / @ _benjamin18_   
get absolutely yartmapped  
[image: quinn stands above james jasperson, who’s on the ground cradling his nose. quinn appears to be trying to get closer, but is held back by oliver as well as robert and william. jasper looks on with a startled expression, but he is smiling ever so slightly.] 

**harold** / @ _orangejasperpuffer_  
just to clear up some questions  
[video: james stands, wiping a bloody hand on his trousers distastefully. he says, “that seems unnecessary.” quinn shakes off oliver, william and harold to step closer to james and speaks: “it’s been a long time coming. you never _cared_ . you never even pretended to care about jasper, you left him and acted like he didn’t _matter_ and that alone made me want to hunt you down and punch you right in your stupid, smug face and the only reason I didn’t was because he asked me not to. but you did the same to them--” quinn points over his shoulder to alex and ryan-- “and because jasper is a good person that was the final straw. you don’t get to treat people like they don’t _matter_ . especially not your _kids_ .” james smirks and says, “why, mister hills--” quinn cuts him off: “they came to _me_ because you didn’t care! they came to _me_ , they’re _mine_ ! i have spent my whole life searching for a family and you don’t get to _hurt them anymore_.”]   
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**kila** / @ _antiloveparasite  
_ harold thank u so much love u but that leaves so many things unanswered   
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**harold** / @ _orangejasperpuffer_   
ok basically quinn has a v complicated relationship w the concept of family & has stated multiple times that the #jaspercult (jasper esp) are his family & alex and ryan were in the cult for a while before things got...messy   
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and now that jasper has forgiven them & they’ve expressed their reasoning quinn has gotten protective. also lets not pretend that j*mes doesnt deserve to be punched   
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**jane** / @ _theactualinternet  
_ i LOVE that u guys censor his name too 

  
  
  


**jasperofficial** : when benjamin told him to get out or he’d force him out! 

**jasperofficial** : when oliver had to hold quinn back! 

**jasperofficial** : sorry i know you all were there im just riding a HIGH wow 

**benjamin18** : i’m just glad that we’re finally getting rid of him 

**gasballceo** : oh hard same 

**jasperofficial** : also thank u guys for not posting any of what i said to him 

**quinnwitted** : that’s between u two. we wont share anything u dont want us to 

**jasperofficial** : i really am so glad i met you guys 

**jasperofficial** : (esp @quinnwitted) 

**gasballceo** : oh i see how it is, the guy punches your dad one time and suddenly he’s better than us, i get it 

**benjamin18** : oliver, with all the love in the world, shut up 

  
  


**Tech Today** / @ _techtoday_ ✔︎  
BREAKING: just days after the announcement of new products, @jamesjapple announces plans to retire and leave @japple. Quote: “I’m off to chase different, brighter dreams.” He offered no information on his family or the recent fight, for which no charges were pressed 

**henry** / @ _busybee_   
what a wild week 

**Jasper** / @ _jasperofficial_   
Thank you all for the support over the past week, it’s really meant a lot to me & the # _dreamteam_. And, most importantly, it’s meant a lot to my mom!   
[image: jasper and his mom standing side by side, grinning cheesily at the camera. there’s a sliver of of thumb visible in the top corner, and it’s been labelled with comic sans as ‘quinn’] 

**JASPER(S) DEFENCE** / @ _quinnwitted  
_ i should probably update the @jasperprime acc bio huh? since the dudepants are, you know, allowed in again   
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**Thing 2** / @ _dudepantsalex_   
wait really?? @orangejasperpuffer my man???   
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**harold** / @ _orangejasperpuffer_   
i think it’s ab time u took the jasperfice, don’t you? 

  
  
  


**gasballceo** : ok so updated jasper cult get together when 

**quinnwitted** : tomorrow, at the cliff. don’t be late 

**benjamin18** : we wouldn’t dream of it 

**jasperofficial** : well, technically, you would--- 

_several people are typing…_


	6. the jaspers arc

**hoodiejasper** : do u ever feel like we’re the side characters in our own lives 

**orangejasperpuffer** : well, given that all three of us joined a cult that requires changing our names and only conceiving of thoughts that a rather famous man is capable of conceiving, i think im going to have to go with ‘yes’ 

**jasperwiththehat** : speak for yourself im a main character 

**orangejasperpuffer** : whatever u say robbie 

**jasperwiththehat** : shut upppppp

 **hoodiejasper** : oh is it make fun of robert time?? bc the time that oliver called u robbie and u didnt correct him was Very Interesting 

**jasperwiththehat** : he calls benjamin benny it’s just how he shows friendship what was i supposed to do? reject his friendship?? 

**hoodiejasper** : methinks he doth protest too much 

**orangejasperpuffer** : i thought we banned historical speech in the jaspers chat >:( 

**jasperwiththehat** : maybe that rule gets changed now that were cool with alex and ryan again??? 

**orangejasperpuffer** : im glad theyre back uwu 

**orangejasperpuffer** : alex says he wants play for us again btw

 **jasperwiththehat** : sick 

**william** / @ _hoodiejasper_   
@gasballceo if u ever call me willy/willie i will block u immediately idc if we’re friends   
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**justice for slipslap** / @ _gasballceo_   
??? why would i call u that 

  
  


**harold** / @ _orangejasperpuffer_   
suddenly very glad my name isn’t easy to nickname   
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**Thing 2** / @ _dudepantsalex_   
harry   
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**harold** / @ _orangejasperpuffer_   
blocked 

  
  


**Thing 1** / @ _dudepantsryan_   
which of these is the best nickname   
[william - willie] 6%  
[harold - harry] 38%  
[benjamin - benny] 29%  
[robert - robbie] 27%   
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**don’t call me b*nny** / @ _benjamin18_   
idk why im being included in this but my percentage is WAY to high...read my display pls. im very clear   
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**justice for slipslap** / @ _gasballceo_   
whatever u say benny 

  
  


**jasperwiththehat** : question - do we invite alex and ryan to this chat 

**hoodiejasper** : no 

**orangejasperpuffer** : not yet? 

**hoodiejasper** : they never took the jasperfice back when that actually meant like. being the cult 

**hoodiejasper** : now it’s just like,,, being part of the group yeah? u don’t actually become a jasper from it 

**orangejasperpuffer** : tru 

**orangejasperpuffer** : plus like,, this chat is for my boys yknow 

**jasperwiththehat** : the ogs 

**hoodiejasper** : the actual jaspers (minus jasper) 

**jasperwiththehat** : doesn’t that imply that we have to add quinn & benjamin tho 

**hoodiejasper** : i retract my previous statement 

**hoodiejasper** : this chat is for us three and us three alone 

**orangejasperpuffer** : i vibe with that 

**orangejasperpuffer** : so we never make them aware of its existence? 

**jasperwiththehat** : what happens in the cult-ish chat stays in the cult-ish chat ok 

**hoodiejasper** : agreed 

**orangejasperpuffer** : agreed 

**orangejasperpuffer** : ...tho i can’t think of a single thing that happens here that other ppl couldn’t know ab 

  
  


**harold** / @ _orangejasperpuffer_   
im here to expose @jasperwiththehat i just saw this man eat five slices of pineapple pizza in a row !!!!  
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**justice for slipslap** / @ _gasballceo  
_ ROBBIE MY MAN!!   
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**robert** / @ _jasperwiththehat_   
WAIT U LIKE IT TOO??? 

  
  


**robert** / @ _jasperwiththehat_   
here to expose @hoodiejasper for tucking the strings of his hoodie in every time ?? who does that   
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**quinvocation** / @ _quinnwitted_   
wait yeah he does do that all the time wtf 

  
  


**william** / @ _hoodiejasper_   
here to expose @orangejasperpuffer for eating all of my peanut butter and then putting the empty jar back in the cupboard >:(   
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**harold** / @ _orangejasperpuffer_   
where’s ur proof  
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**william** / @ _hoodiejasper_   
i watched u do it ??? 

**hoodiejasper** : if u ever tell anyone i said this i will deny it but im glad i know u two

 **orangejasperpuffer** : what happens in the cult-ish chat stays in the cult-ish chat remember 

**orangejasperpuffer** : also im glad i know u too :)) 

**jasperwiththehat** : yeah same 

**jasperwiththehat** : <3 or whatever 

  
  


**robert** / @ _jasperwiththehat  
_ hey do u guys remember that buzzfeed “what jasper are u” quiz from the first time # _jaspercult_ trended?? bc i just took it and got QUINN !!! i have never been more offended in my life   
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**harold** / @ _orangejasperpuffer_   
why is it asking me for my favourite book and why is one of the options ‘dictionary’  
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**william** / @ _hoodiejasper_   
that’s probably my fault   
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**harold** / @ _orangejasperpuffer_   
OH YEAH   
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**Thing 1** / @ _dudepantsryan_   
i still have a lump on my head…  
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**william** / @ _hoodiejasper_   
that’s what u get for holding a spartan trail 

**milo** / @ _gasballobsessed_   
following everyone in the #jaspercult was the best and worst decision i ever made   
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**kila** / @ _antiloveparasite_   
RIGHT i feel like a scientist studying human behaviour but i have 0 context for any of what they say 

**harold** / @ _orangejasperpuffer_   
update: finished the quiz & i got benjamin idk how to feel   
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**don’t call me b*nny** / @ _benjamin18  
_ u should feel BLESSED 

**william** / @ _hoodiejasper_   
i also took the quiz and i got JASPER HIMSELF YEAHHHHHH @quinnwitted can i have the @jasperprime user now   
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**quinvocation** / @ _quinnwitted_   
absolutely not 

  
  


**jasperwiththehat** : guys guys what if we just hacked the @jasperprime acc??? i bet u anything the password is super easy to guess 

**hoodiejasper** : oh im so in 

**orangejasperpuffer** : this is a terrible idea 

**orangejasperpuffer** : im in 

  
  


**Jasper Prime** / @ _jasperprime_   
im jsut a littol creachure …..  
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**quinvocation** / @ _quinnwitted_   
WILLIAM  
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**william** / @ _hoodiejasper_   
maybe don’t make ur password ‘jaspersonjasper<3’ and this sort of thing wouldn’t happen 

  
  



	7. the ice cream sandwich arc

**don't call me b*nny** / @ _benjamin18  
_ i went to get some ice cream and oliver thought i was dead  
[image: a screenshot of the dream team group chat. it is just the words "gasballceo: benny" repeated.]  
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**oliver misses benny :(** / @ _gasballceo  
_ you didnt say where u were & u were gone for hours!! u couldve hopped off to another universe for all i knew!!!  
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**don't call me b*nny** / @ _benjamin18  
_ 'oliver misses benny' ur so dramatic  
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**oliver misses benny :(** / @ _gasballceo  
_ i havent seen u for THREE WHOLE DAYS 

**kila** / @ _antiloveparasite  
_ kinda obsessed with oliver changing his display just bc he hasnt seen benjamin for a few days  
my friends could never /j  
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**luke misses kila :(** / @ _badtimelongtime  
_ how dare u imply that i dont miss u every single day were apart  
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**milo misses kila :(** / @ _gasballobsessed_  
we have never met irl but seconded  
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**KILA <3 LUKE&MILO** / @ _antiloveparasite  
_ u guyssssss 

**gasballceo** : benny

 **gasbellceo** : benny

 **gasbellceo** : benny

 **gasbellceo** : benny

 **benjamin18** : there are 327 messages in this chat right now

 **benjamin18** : and 306 of them are OLIVER SAYING MY NAME

 **gasballceo** : so u admit that benny is your name :eyes:

 **jasperofficial** : oh man 306?? i muted this after the first 15

 **quinnwitted** : when the second 'benny' came through i could see where this was going and dipped

 **benjamin18** : this is why i left my phone at home smh

 **gasballceo** : thats dangerous

 **benjamin18** : my dream remember? my rules

 **quinnwitted** : pretty sure u can still get murked in your dream

 **benjamin18** : not me

 **benjamin18** : u cant prove that i can die until i do

 **gasballceo** : please dont die

 **jasperofficial** : where were u anyway benjamin? :)

 **benjamin18** : oh uh

 **benjamin18** : just out

 **quinnwitted** : well that's suspicious

 **benjamin18** : no no its nothing bad i promise just

 **benjamin18** : stuff

 **gasballceo** : still suspicious but i'll allow it

 **gasballceo** : for now :knife:

 **benjamin18** : that's so unnecessarily threatening???

 **gasballceo** : i considered a frying pan emoji but u dont acknowledge that as a weapon

 **benjamin18** : but WHY do u want to threaten me

 **jasperofficial** : bc we care ab u and want to be sure u are safe & happy

 **benjamin18** : i am both of those things rn i promise

 **quinnwitted** : better be

 **quinnwitted** : also u went for ice cream and didnt get us any??? rude

 **benjamin18** : bold of u to assume that im not stocking my fridge with ice cream sandwiches just for u guys

 **gasballceo** : I WILL BE OVER IMMEDIATELY

 **benjamin18** : i would expect nothing less

**oliver no longer misses benny** / @ _gasballceo  
_ the boys are back!!!  
[image: oliver and benjamin are pressed shoulder to shoulder. oliver has one arm extended to take a selfie and is grinning so wide that his eyes scrunch. benjamin is also grinning but his looks softer and looser. they are both holding chocolate ice cream sandwiches]  
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**jane** / @ _theactualinternet  
_ why is this the cutest thing i've seen all day :sob: 

**Jasper** / @ _jasperofficial_ ✔︎  
best way to have ice cream?  
[in a cone] 32%  
[in a cup/bowl] 26%  
[ice cream sandwich] 31%  
[ice pop] 11%  
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**quinner quinner chicken dinner** / @ _quinnwitted  
_ what do u guys have against ice pops  
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**eat the rich** / @ _japplehater  
_ its not that i have anything against them they just barely count as ice cream  
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**quinner quinner chicken dinner** / @ _quinnwitted  
_ WAIT I LOVE UR @ OMG 

**quinnwitted** : @benjamin18 where r u? its cult night

 **benjamin18** : sorry sorry im on my way

 **quinnwitted** : why didnt u come with oliver like normal?

 **benjamin18** : i was just busy today & he was working anyway

 **benjamin18** : i did tell him id come on my own didnt he say??

 **quinnwitted** : he did but ur now a half hour late and didnt answer his call

 **benjamin18** : damnit

 **benjamin18** : @gasballceo im so sorry my phone was off

 **gasballceo** : its fine!!

 **gasballceo** : but this is still suspicious :knife:

 **benjamin18** : please stop threatening to stab me i am Trying my Best

**william** / @ _hoodiejasper  
_ something is going on with benjamin & oliver, updates to follow  
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**KILA <3 LUKE&MILO ** / @ _antiloveparasite  
_ a good something or a bad something??  
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**robert** / @ _jasperwiththehat  
_ we arent sure yet

**toad sings** / @ _gasballceo  
_ why are u tweeting ab my life @hoodiejasper @jasperwiththehat  
this is why @orangejasperpuffer is my favourite smh  
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**harold** / @ _orangejasperpuffer  
_ nice  
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**Thing 2** / @ _dudepantsalex  
_ where do me and ryan rank?  
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**toad sings** / @ _gasballceo  
_ today? your in joint third  
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**don't call me b*nny** / @ _benjamin18  
_ where am i????  
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**toad sings** / @ _gasballceo  
_ ur always first 

**luke misses kila :(** / @ _badtimelongtime  
_ now i just want @gasballceo to rank all of the # _jaspercult  
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**toad sings** / @ _gasballceo  
_ oooo YES im not gonna rank them but i will RATE them out of ten

**toad sings** / @ _gasballceo  
_ rating the # _jaspercult_ : a thread  
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first up: our boy benjamin @benjmain18!! we give him 9/10, would be 10/10 but he's keeping secrets rn soooo  
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@jasperofficial gets a 10/10 bc he's literally jasper??? also just the sweetest guy around, we have to love and appreciate him at all times  
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6/10 for @quinnwitted bc he made benjamin cry one time & bullies me in the gc >:(   
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@dudepantsalex & @dudepantsryan both get 5/10 idk them that well yet & i only know them from the spartan trial that benny told me ab   
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@orangejasperpuffer is a solid 8/10 we vibe together & both like scrabble   
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my man @jasperwiththehat gets 9/10 bc we both like pineapple pizza & it’s nice to have a buddy on that front cause everyone else hates it   
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and last but not least @hoodiejasper gets an 8/10, he loses points for tweeting ab me & also tucking his hoodie strings in what is UP with that dude 

**quinnwitted** : really? 6/10? 

**gasballceo** : do u think u deserve higher? 

**jasperofficial** : ur 10/10 to me quinn 

**quinnwitted** : thank you jasper im glad someone cares 

**benjamin18** : i can’t believe i didnt get a perfect score even after u told me im always top of the ranking smh 

**gasballceo** : tell me ur secret then problem solved 

**benjamin18** : soon i promise 

**gasballceo** : how soon is soon 

**benjamin18** : ...less than a week? i think? 

**gasballceo** : u think? 

**benjamin18** : yeah 

**benjamin18** : no more than a week, promise 

**jasperofficial** : u don’t have to tell us until ur ready!! 

**benjamin18** : i know!! i do want to tell u but it’ll be easier in a little bit trust me 

**quinnwitted** : we do 

  
  
  


**dream team updates** / @ _dtupdates_   
oliver @gasballceo recently tweeted a thread where he rated the # _jaspercult_ \- he mentioned that @benjamin18 is keeping secrets. Any guesses what it might be?   
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**milo misses kila :(** / @ _gasballobsessed_   
it can’t be anything bad or oliver wouldn’t be tweeting ab it im sure   
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**jane** / @ _theactualinternet_   
yeah but remember that william & robert weren’t sure if there was something good or bad going on with them  
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**milo misses kila :(** / @ _gasballobsessed_   
p much immediately after that oliver said that benjamin is always number one jasper to him tho 

  
  


**henry** / @ _busybee_   
hey @jasperofficial i doubt you’ll see this but im just really curious as to how u met @quinnwitted & the rest??   
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**Jasper** / @ _jasperofficial_   
@quinnwitted started a cult in my name & @benjamin18 joined it. later benjamin showed up at my house with @gasballceo and then we became the dream team   
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**henry** / @ _busybee_   
….huh?  
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**KILA <3 LUKE&MILO** / @ _antiloveparasite_   
@gasballobsessed someone is taking over ur job of being the Most Confused ab the #dreamteam 

  
  
  


**benjamin18** : hey do u guys wanna come over for ice cream?? there’s someone that i want u to meet 

**quinnwitted** : do u have other friends suddenly 

**benjamin18** : sort of? just come over 

**gasballceo** : is this secret related? 

**benjamin18** : ye 

**jasperofficial** : we’ll be there soon!! 

  
  
  


**AH-EE** / @ _gasballceo_   
I NEED TO UPDATE MY JASPERS RATINGS BC !!!!!   
Ellie is 1000/10, the sweetest little thing I’ve ever laid eyes on, she can’t say ‘L’ yet but she tries so hard ahhhhhhhhhh  
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**don’t call me b*nny** / @ _benjamin18_   
my daughter is not in the cult oliver   
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**AH-EE** / @ _gasballceo_   
not with that attitude she isn’t 

  
  


**don’t call me b*nny** / @ _benjamin18_  
since @gasballceo already spilled (couldn’t even give me 5mins to tweet smh he’s lucky he’s my best friend): yes i do have a daughter, no i will not be sharing pictures, yes she is absolutely wonderful and adorable and sweet and i love her more than anything   
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**Jasper** / @ _jasperofficial_ ✔︎  
i think we all already love her more than anything !!! 

  
  


**UNCLE QUINN** / @ _quinnwitted  
_ bc i know you’re all dying for more info: oliver has declared Ellie his best friend and Benjamin is pretending to be offended but can’t stop smiling. we are all eating ice cream sandwiches (even tho ice pops are clearly superior) and idk if Oliver or Ellie is messier   
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**Jasper** / @ _jasperofficial_   
don’t forget Oliver introducing himself as Ollie so that they’d “match” and then melting when she pronounced it as “ah-ee”   
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**luke misses kila :(** / @ _badtimelongtime_   
well that explains his display at least 

  
  


**william** / @ _hoodiejasper_   
hey @benjamin18 when do we get to meet this mysterious ellie   
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**don’t call me b*nny** / @ _benjamin18  
_ don’t u think quinn oliver and jasper are overwhelming enough for one day   
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**william** / @ _hoodiejasper  
_ understandable have a nice day 

  
  
  


**jasperofficial** : you know what I still don’t understand? 

**jasperofficial** : why didn’t u tell us u were meeting with ellie & isabelle?? 

**benjamin18** : i didn’t know how it would go 

**benjamin18** : and it went surprisingly well the first time so i didn’t want to jinx it 

**benjamin18** : and then when it started to get even better and we talked ab me getting to see ellie on her own i thought it would be fun to surprise u 

**gasballceo** : well colour me surprised 

**gasballceo** : but of all the secrets u could’ve been keeping she is def the best one 

**quinnwitted** : agreed 

**benjamin18** : yeah but secrets are even better when they’re shared so 

**benjamin18** : im glad u guys got to meet her <3 


	8. the confusion arc

**henry** / @ _ busybees  
_ my experience with the #dreamteam fans so far:  
[image: the 'Is this a pidgeon?' meme, but it's been poorly edited so that the man is labelled 'dream team official fan group chat', the butterfly is labelled 'seven contradictory theories at once', and the caption reads 'is this a good explanation?']  
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**kila** / @ _ antiloveparasite  
_ we are telling u exactly what the dream team has told us! what more do you want from us!!

**eat the rich** / @ _ japplehater  
_ top moments in the #dreamteam fandom so far:  
\- jane asking why benjamin joined quinn's cult and being told 'we dont talk ab that'  
\- the way it took us three months to realise that kila and luke know each other irl  
\- the week that destiel went canon & sweat 5000 held hands & we couldnt decide what was more dramatic  
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**luke** / @ _ badtimelongtime  
_ \- Milo Is Confused  
\- Milo Is Confused 2: Electric Boogaloo  
\- Confused 3: This Time It's @busybees  
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**henry** / @ _ busybees  
_ this is the most confusing fandom i've ever been in @gasballobsessed back me up here  
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**milo** / @ _ gasballobsessed  
_ it is very confusing. u have to learn to roll with it  
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**henry** / @ _ busybees  
_ JASPER TOLD ME THEY MET IN A CULT AND NONE OF U COULD EXPLAIN  
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**eat the rich** / @ _ japplehater  
_ more top moments:  
\- the time henry asked for an explanation from jasper, was told the exact thing that we'd been saying, and then blames us somehow??

**busybees** : bernie u dont have to roast me publically :((

**japplehater** : yh i do its how u know ur one of us

**theactualinternet** : tbf, they also roasted milo

**busybees** : nah it was luke who roasted milo

**badtimelongtime** : if u cant roast ur long distance partner are they even ur long distance partner??

**antiloveparasite** : u say that as if u dont roast me everyday and u live up the road from me

**badtimelongtime** : shut up kila

**antiloveparasite** : dont tell me to shut up im ur best friend

**gasballobsessed** : wait i though i was ur best friend :((

**antiloveparasite** : ur both my best friends <3

**busybees** : ok ok ok can we get back to u explaining the dream team to me??? cause i'm still confused

**japplehater** : we said u just have to roll with it

**busybees** : ok this time i will 'roll with it'

**busybees** : just start from the beginning

**theactualinternet** : i think @lumberstan has been here the longest? mal u around?

**lumberstan** : i have been Summoned

**lumberstan** : also yh sorry i havent been active much

**lumberstan** : finals, u know

**theactualinternet** : oh! we dont mean to interupt ur studying

**lumberstan** : nah i should take a break anyway. what's up??

**japplehater** : we have a new member @busybees who would like an explanation/rundown of everything we know about the dream team

**lumberstan** : oooo hold on i was actually gonna make a thread of stuff anyway

**oh gorgoblox...** / @ _ lumberstan  
_ by request of @gasballobsessed like two months ago and also @busybees like twelve minutes ago, may i present - everything we know about the #dreamteam so far: a thread  
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so first of all, rundown of who the dream team are:   
@jasperofficial - jasper jasperson, son of j*mes j*sperson, the subject of the cult   
@quinnwitted - quinn hills, leader of the cult, very mysterious   
@gasballceo - oliver todaro, head writer of lumbersweats, newest cult member  
@benjamin18 - benjamin lewis, part of the og cult & oliver’s best friend   
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also tbh we don’t really know much ab the cult? whenever anyone asks one of them they just talk ab it so matter of fact - apparently quinn started a cult in jasper’s name?? and that’s where The Jaspers come in   
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so The Jaspers are:   
@hoodiejasper - william, we think he was the first other than quinn   
@orangepuffeejasper - harold, he’s the mvp imo bc he does a lot of the live tweeting & filming   
@jasperwiththehat - robert, seems like such a dudebro but we know he loves romance movies & taylor swift so make of that what u will   
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also @dudepantsryan & @dudepantsalex were in the cult but we dont really know for how long/how involved they were???   
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also also no, we don’t know how legit the cult was?? @theactualinternet once found an old craigslist that looked like it might be the origin, I think she tweeted it once   
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okay so quinn, benjamin, The Jaspers, alex, and ryan are are in the cult. jasper meets them all at a cult meeting?? for some reason he is Chill with this   
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there’s something in here about a spartan trial? that comes up a lot but never with any context attached???   
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harold said that things got “messy” between The Jaspers & alex & ryan and alex & ryan left the cult - unclear what happened but oliver said once that he knew about alex & ryan bc of the spartan trial so we assume it’s related   
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according to jasper “later” benjamin showed up at his house with oliver and they “became the dream team”   
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why dream team??? we simply do not know  
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sometimes quinn & oliver say “this is ur dream, [we] just live here” to benjamin? and jasper says “dreams are real” a lot? idk what kind of inside joke they’ve got going on but dreams are clearly important to them all which is very cute ♥︎  
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anyway that’s really all the context that we have for any of their nonsense!! so the rest of this thread will just be fun things!! & i will add to it if anything new happens 

  
  


**busybees** : @lumberstan thank u that was so unhelpful 

**lumberstan** : @busybees ur welcome they are very unclear 

**busybees** : like?? was there actually a cult???? 

**theactualinternet** : ooooo mal u missed the part ab how jasper was a baby on pampers packaging my screenshot won’t make any sense w/o that context 

**lumberstan** : aw damn i knew i was missing something 

**busybees** : ?????????

**gasballobsessed** : henry mate i told u to roll with it 

**theactualinternet** : found this a few months back when looking at funny ads   
[image: a slightly grainy screenshot of quinn’s original ad for joining the cult]

**theactualinternet** : it got passed around on reddit & tumblr a bit as just a funny meme so when i saw it after the jasper cult stuff i did some digging and it looks legit 

**lumberstan** : AH I ALSO FORGOT AB THE JASPERPRIME ACC 

**lumberstan** : ok thread cancelled i’ll do another one when my brain isn’t scrambled from finals 

**busybees** : so there actually was a cult 

**busybees** : huh 

  
  
  


**kila** / @ _ antiloveparasite _   
would you befriend the leader of a cult that worshipped you??? /gen   
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**Jasper** / @ _ jasperofficial _ ✔︎  
yeah & i only regret it sometimes   
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**milo** / @ _ gasballobsessed _   
KILA 

  
  


**antiloveparasite** : GUYS I DIDNT EVEN @ HIM HOW DID JASPER SEE THAT 

**badtimelongtime** : KILA

**lumberstan** : KILA RIGHTSSSS

**freddofantastic** : jasper is stalking us confirmed /j 

**lumberstan** : oh hey fred!! :0 

**theactualinternet** : fred!! it’s been a while!! 

**lumberstan** : oof and hes gone again 

**busybees** : who was that?? 

**lumberstan** : fred! hes one of the ogs but he’s not active much anymore lol 

**antiloveparasite** : JASPER IS STALKING ME??? 

**antiloveparasite** : he doesn’t follow me so idk how he saw that ahhhhhhhhh 

**gasballobsessed** : mayb he just searches ‘cult’ sometimes to see what else is out there 

**lumberstan** : maybe hes looking for other people who have had cults made ab them 

**theactualinternet** : actually that’s an interesting point - how many cults are formed to worship not the leader but just...a Guy? 

**theactualinternet** : remember no one knew jasper was j*mes’s son until after some of the cult stuff - it doesn’t sound like even The Jaspers did 

**antiloveparasite** : hey yeah! 

**antiloveparasite** : they just joined a cult for a random baby on some pampers packaging ahzhaixi 

**gasballobsessed** : me, looking at The Jaspers: i would like to study them 

  
  
  
  


**harold** / @ _ orangejasperpuffer _   
serious question: what would fans of the #jaspercult do if me william and robert changed our @   
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**milo** / @ _ gasballobsessed _   
cry   
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**kila** / @ _ antiloveparasite _   
cry   
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**jane** / @ _ theactualinternet _   
cry 

  
  


**harold** / @ _ orangejasperpuffer _   
okayyyyyy ig im not changing my @?   
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**Jasper** / @ _ jasperofficial _   
were you planning to? :(   
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**robert** / @ _ jasperwiththehat _   
jasper i want it known that i never even THOUGHT about changing mine i promise ily 

  
  
  


**lumberstan** : guys what if we all changed our @ to have jasper in it like The Jaspers

**gasballobsessed** : that seems like a lot of effort 

**antiloveparasite** : the dream team does it all the time milo dont be lame 

**gasballobsessed** : im just saying!!! 

**theactualinternet** : i actually agree with milo! 

**theactualinternet** : HOWEVER 

**theactualinternet** : the mishapocalypse 2: this time it’s jasper??? yes or yes?? 

**japplehater** : cursed 

**japplehater** : but i love it 

**theactualinternet** : isn’t it just 

**badtimelongtime** : sorry if this is lame but whats the mishapocalypse??? 

**theactualinternet** : i-- 

**theactualinternet** : sometimes i forget im the oldest one here and then one of u says something like this and i suddenly feel all 24 years of my life weighing very heavily on me……..

**antiloveparasite** : omg luke

**antiloveparasite** : don’t mine him he was one +whispers+ bandom tumblr 

**theactualinternet** : OOOOOOH 

**badtimelongtime** : wow call me out smh 

**lumberstan** : @badtimelongtime to answer ur question it was basically a day that everyone on the hellsite changed their icons to this one actor and spammed gifs with his face edited into it and generally just ran chaotically through the dashboard 

**lumberstan** : i doubt even we could match the chaos of that day 

**lumberstan** : but that doesnt mean we shouldnt TRY 

_ several people are typing... _

  
  
  


**Jasper** / @ _jasperofficial_  
why does everyone look like me?   
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 **jasperpocalypse** / @ _quinnwitted_   
wdm   
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 **Jasper** / @ _jasperofficial_   
quinn if this is your fault--   
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 **jasperpocalypse** / @ _gasballceo_   
for once, none of us started it skfkaaef BUT ISNT IT BEAUTIFUL

  
  


**Jasper** / @ _ jasperofficial _   
Somehow, this is weirder than the cult   
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**jasperpocalypse** / @ _ benjamin18 _   
i know i joined in but like yeah. ur right. this is weirder 

  
  
  


**busybees** : im still confused ab the cult thing

**lumberstan** : we know henry 

**busybees** : like i just wish someone would explain it 

**badtimelongtime** : we know henry 


End file.
